From the Director…

By Laura Joyce

April 2022

There is an oft-repeated saying in the world of addictions treatment that says, “You are only as sick as your secrets.” I’ve never felt entirely comfortable with this phrasing, because the word “sick” often comes with judgment attached, and it turns some things into a pathology that are more accurately seen as trauma. This is perhaps never quite as true as it is related to sexual assault and sexual abuse. With trauma, as with sexual assault, the question should never be, “What’s wrong with you?” Instead, it should be, “What happened to you?’

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month (#SAAM) and whether you are a helper—a doctor or a nurse, an advocate or an attorney, a counselor or a therapist—or a friend or family member, if you care for someone who has suffered sexual assault, here are some ways you can make a profound difference as they face the trauma and begin the long road toward healing.

Start by Believing: the very last thing a trauma victim needs is an interrogation when they’re seeking support. Let the victim share their story in their own imperfect way. It is not at all unusual for a trauma victim to have inconsistencies and gaps in their memory of the event: trauma brain is a real thing, and it refers to the effects that trauma has on how we think, how we remember and how we understand. Both trauma and judgment have a way of silencing people: combining the two together can magnify a victim’s sense of isolation, shame and hopelessness. One of the most powerful ways you can help a victim of sexual assault is to just listen and support them without judgment.

And Speaking of Judgment: it is worth emphasizing that criticism, blame and even advice, at times, can further traumatize victims. Sexual assault is unique among crimes in the way that many people assign as much blame to the victim (and sometimes even more) as they do to the perpetrator. Asking a victim what they were wearing, whether they tried to resist, or if they have been in touch with the perpetrator if it is someone they knew before the assault all imply or assign blame to the victim. If someone you care for is the victim of a robbery or carjacking, you wouldn’t ask those questions. Asking these questions of a victim of sexual assault is like a signal that you think they were somehow complicit in or responsible for the assault. There is perhaps no more effective way to ensure that a victim shuts down and doesn’t reach out for more help; after all, if someone the victim knows and is loved by blames them, what will strangers think? Surely they’ll judge and blame the victim too.

Recognize that Trauma is Expressed in Many Ways: a victim of the trauma of sexual assault will likely feel a whole range of emotions, from anger to depression to anxiety to numbness and more. Some days a victim may seem fine, while other days they may have a hard time functioning at all. A victim may seem scared and needy and clingy, since sexual assault is a terrible violation of our personal boundaries and sense of safety. It can make the world seem like a dangerous and unpredictable place. The more you can provide support and reassurance to a victim as they navigate the fallout from the assault and a world that now seems very different to their world before the assault, the more you will contribute to the victim’s eventual healing.

There is No Set Time Frame for Recovery and Healing: the impact of sexual assault on an individual is unique to each person. Many factors affect how an assault will impact them, and imposing artificial deadlines for the victim to move on emotionally is most likely to make them feel they’re doing it wrong. This, in turn, can have the effect of silencing victims and convincing them not to seek help from others.

Walking alongside someone as they begin the journey of healing after a sexual assault is hard on both the victim and the helper, whoever that helper may be. As the helper, you need to be sure to take care of yourself, as well, in order to avoid being a victim of “vicarious trauma,” which occurs when you experience someone else’s trauma secondhand. Pay attention to how you’re feeling and functioning, and seek support for yourself, as a helper, if you find that you’re struggling.

Ultimately, you can make a world of difference for someone who has been the victim of sexual assault and the trauma it brings. By believing them, offering a supportive, nonjudgmental environment, recognizing that their trauma will show up in many shapes and forms, and giving them the time and space they need, you will be an important partner on their journey to healing.